


The Height of All Delusions

by lionessvalenti



Category: White Collar
Genre: Angst, Community: kink_bingo, F/M, Object Insertion, Pegging, Rare Pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-09
Updated: 2011-06-09
Packaged: 2017-10-20 06:40:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/pseuds/lionessvalenti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Neal's sentencing, Kate lifts a wallet and goes to a bar, but she doesn't leave alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Height of All Delusions

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by Lefaym. Title comes from _Ballad for the Bedwetters_ by Declan Bennett.

Kate tried not think about the trial.

She sat there every day, just behind Neal, so he could occasionally look over his shoulder at her and smile reassuringly, like he could get out of this on charm alone. She listened to the testimonies against him, from Peter Burke, Stuart Gless, Sara Ellis, and with each one, her heart sank a little more.

After the sentencing, Neal turned to her. "It'll be okay," he said.

She nodded. "I'll be waiting."

"I know." He grinned. "I love you."

She laughed, trying to hold back her tears. "I love you too," she replied, as Neal was escorted away. She stood there, waiting until the door was closed and Neal was gone.

Kate picked up her coat and purse. She stepped out into the aisle and bumped into someone. Barely looking up, she muttered, "Excuse me," and out of habit, lifted his wallet.

"Hey, you okay?"

She lifted her face and realized she'd bumped into Agent Jones. She remembered him, that day when Peter arrested Neal. Jones was the one who clasped the handcuffs onto Neal.

"Yeah," she said. "I'm great, actually." She ducked her head again and made her way to the door. She needed to get out of there.

Kate was halfway through her second whiskey sour when Jones sat down next to her.

"Is that on me?" he asked.

She snorted a laugh. "Yeah, I guess so." She turned around, digging around in her coat pocket. She dropped Jones' wallet on the bar. "Happy?"

"Yeah, thanks." Jones nodded to the bartender and ordered a beer. "You know, lifting a federal agent's wallet in a courthouse isn't really smart."

"You going to arrest me?" Kate asked.

He flipped through the wallet, making sure everything was there. "I'll let it go this time."

They sat in silence, and Kate got another drink. Things were starting to get fuzzy and she looked over at Jones. "I want to hit someone in the face," she said.

"You want to hit me in the face," Jones corrected her.

"I want to hit _Burke_ in the face, but you'll do."

He shook his head. "No, you don't. Peter's a good guy and Caffrey got what was coming to him."

Kate felt her face heat up, wanting to tell him off, tell him what a good guy Neal was, but her tongue felt twisted by the alcohol. Instead, she grabbed the collar of Jones' shirt. "You're coming home with me."

Jones blinked at her. "You realize your boyfriend hasn't even made it to the prison yet, right?"

"I know," Kate replied. Neal didn't care about that, and he'd told her as much, as long as she didn't fall in love. All he wanted was her love, and he wanted it all to himself. "Pay for these drinks."

"That's a bad idea."

"You think so?"

Jones considered her for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, it's a bad idea. But let's go."

It was a short cab ride from the bar to the apartment Kate once shared with Neal. She moved back in after his arrest, but without him there, it didn't really feel like their place anymore. It was just empty.

Jones grabbed her by the hips to pull her close, but she stepped back.

"Don't kiss me," she said. "Just... just take off your clothes."

He nodded. "Okay."

She pushed him into the bedroom as he stripped out of his suit and fell back onto the bed. He looked up at her, like he wasn't sure what she wanted from him.

She wasn't even sure what she wanted from him.

Finally, Kate dug through the bottom drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a dildo -- not Neal's favorite, which would lay in the drawer for four years, but a smaller one -- and her PVC harness.

"Is that--" Jones stared at the dildo. "Are you going to put that--?"

"If you want it," Kate replied, pulling the harness on over her clothes. "I want to give it to you."

Want to. There wasn't any _want to_ about it. She needed to. She needed to do something with this ball of fury and resentment in her chest. She couldn't face four years without Neal, not when she'd just gotten him back, and it didn't matter if Jones wasn't responsible, and Neal got what was coming to him, she had to do _something_.

His eyes shifted from the dildo and up to her face. She must have looked wrecked, because after a long moment, he nodded.

She made quick work of the lube, and even half-drunk, she made sure to do it thoroughly. She wouldn't get anywhere if she damaged him.

Kate ran her hand over Jones' stomach. He was muscular, but not nearly as defined as Neal. She tried to put Neal out of her mind. She didn't want to think about him through this.

"Going in," she said, not even trying for a smile. She took a deep breath and pushed the dildo slowly into him. He gasped, tensing up, but she kept going.

She didn't think, she just fucked him, working the silicone cock deeper and harder, pouring all her anger and her fears into him. Four years without Neal. How would he be different when it was over? What could happen to him. What could happen to her. And none of this would be happening if the FBI had just left them alone. If Adler hadn't fucked them over. If Neal had been who he said he was in the first place. If Jones hadn't slapped the metal cuff around Neal's wrist. If Burke hadn't been so damn clever. If Neal could have been cleverer. If she hadn't let herself be used.

She had become a federal pawn and Neal fucking _thanked_ Burke for it.

She should have been smarter. She should have been less proud. She should have found Neal before it came to this. She could have saved him.

"Kate," Jones said through ground teeth. "Kate, stop. Stop--"

She blinked down at him, and it took her a moment to realize what he was saying, and that she was hurting him. She pulled out and fell backward onto the bed. A sob racked her body, pounding through her chest and her back. "What are you even doing here?" she asked as she began to cry.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Jones replied. He sat up on his knees, keeping his weight off his backside. His half hard cock bobbed with each movement.

Kate stared at him. " _Why_?"

"That look on your face when we arrested Caffrey." He shook his head, as though his memories were an Etch-a-Sketch and the lines could disappear into the sand. "I can't stop thinking about it. You looked so..."

"Guilty," she supplied. "I'm guilty. He got arrested because of _me_."

Jones reached out and touched her cheek. "No. He committed the crimes."

"For me. He did it for me, and he went there for me, and if I'd just..." Kate turned her face toward him. She was saying too much, and saying it to a fed. She should never have brought him here. "I think you should go."

He nodded. "You're right, I should."

Kate sat there while Jones got dressed. He lingered in the doorway for a moment, and said, "I can come back, if you want. Check up on you."

She shook her head. "No, I'd... I'd rather never see you again." She looked up at him and shrugged. "It's not personal, I'm sure you're a great guy. But I don't want to remember this. I want to forget today ever happened."

"I'll respect a lady's wishes," Jones said, and he stepped away, the sound of his footsteps going softer with each beat, and then the front door slammed shut.

Then Kate was alone, as she would be for the next four years.


End file.
